I’m 33. I met him on a dating app called Boo. His name is Ugurkan which means good fortune. He caught my eye with his bright eyes. We matched. He messaged me first saying I look cute and that I am a balance of cute and classy. I replied, thank you, I guess. I tried to play it cool but I liked him already from the very beginning. It’s like my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. We exchanged conversations about his favorite poem. He was going to a football match that day and I joked about how he brought a basketball to a football match because the picture he sent me has a guy with a shiny bald head. He laughed, Gosh I think I am falling. We talked about our governments and he said it feels like we were flirting. We exchanged messages and I was so kilig over him. It was fast. I din’t guard my heart and it went full speed ahead.
I really thought I could make him stay with my conversational skills because I wanted him to know my thoughts. But it turns out he is just some lustful boy. He expressed his desires. To be honest, I did not hate it. I was warming up to him because I wanted him too but someone has to have the brakes or I would be consumed by fire.
It turned out this would be a big issue between us.
Then he said goodbye.
He said that we should end things because of our differences and the distance. He’s from Turkey. I was so devastated. I begged him to come back. But he no longer wanted to. Five days passed by without contact. I was crying and I was so sad during the whole week that we didn’t have any communication. Then came Saturday. I broke the no contact. Even though we already said goodbye. I liked him too much. I wanted to keep him. I wanted him to be mine.
I told him I don’t want to start with another again.
But came the most devastating words he ever said to me. He doesn’t like me anymore. He no longer wants any form of communication with me. He liked me at the beginning but it was no big deal. And that I should put myself out there more since Im easily hooked. To not love me in return is heartbreaking in itself but to be doubted for the sincerity of your love is a different kind. I wanted him so badly. It hurts me to think he’s found another. And I cannot believe he could just switch off easily and discard me that easily.
I fell for. him because of his wits. I fell for him whenever he’s talking about his culture. I loved him and I still pray that he comes back to me because he’s seen parts of me no one has ever seen yet.
VenusDeMalayo(VenusAtFar) 