I once saw a post that said, we think bulls are stupid for chasing red flags and yet people, here we are. To be blinded by impassioned love seems poetic but it is not beautiful. These are some of the comical truths I realized during this ongoing period of regulating my nervous system that was disturbed by a man I took a leap of faith for.

He had me at “you are a mix of cute and classy” and with his wit and love for his culture, I slowly gave in and made me locked in. I have this stubborn pride in me so I still held on to the possibility of the relationship turning into something more. I chose to stay despite the red flags I tried to rationalize and justify. In the end, I was sorely disappointed and broken.

Hence, the road to healing will be a road that I will be traversing for now. I don’t know how long the arduous journey will be for someone who considers this a canon event in her life. But so far, there are things I do that help me heal.

1.) Lots of crying.

Crying is refreshing to the soul. Even the clouds cry when they’re already heavy. So be a crybaby, babe. Do not be ashamed to admit it. I cry when I can feel the heaviness in my chest. There are many times I have to drop on the bathroom floor and sit with the grief. I don’t stop myself from crying. Suppression of the natural flow of things is what makes your nervous system go into survival mode. Let it flow.

2.) Fill your mind with good things and ideas.

In order to rule your heart, you must have a good head to rule over it. What I did was to visit the thrift bookstores again and find titles that are not famous but are promising. I bought books and went to a quaint coffee shop to read to occupy my thoughts with wonderful ideas. There is a reason why the head is above the heart.

Fill it with ideas and it will know what to do with the heart. In moments when the stabbing pain in the heart is blinding, the ideas you’ve filled your mind with can be picked out from similar to a trove of treasures hidden. For instance, when the sadness attacks me out of nowhere, I will remember the maxim I once read, play the hand in front of you and play it well.

I repeat it like a prayer and then a sense of pride wells from within. Another experience lived. Another lessons learned. Another aphorism I tell myself is that, I loved and lost. But I was brave enough to participate in the Great War of love. I fought bravely. He lost me. He let go of my hand but I am still standing.

3.) Talk to friends and seek wise counsel.

I have come to realize that one of the good things that have come out of this heartbreak is that I learned how to depend on my friends. I have come to appreciate the people around me even more. One of my friends told me when I kept saying sorry for unloading a burden to them, that I should not be sorry. I can cry to them without judgement. They also told me the things I really needed to hear. I told them every detail and they made me see things in a new perspective.

4.) Praying.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Upon this verse, I have poured my faith. I prayed and screamed when the ache is too much to bear. And by some stroke of miracle, I have this renewed hope and energy the morning after.

5.) I don’t convince myself to hate the man.

I have heard them say to block the man and think of all the things bad about him. I find that against my nature. I still hold tenderness for the man. Even now, I still hope beyond hope that he is fine. To think ill of the man will require me to replay every conversation, every action. And that will be counterproductive. I will let things be. Go on with my life and feel the tenderness but forget the face of the man behind it all.

6.) Write down the lessons.

Some of the lessons I learned I wrote in order to make sense of what happened. I have been changed by the heartbreak and it revealed to me some of the traits that I have. For some reason, I feel more in touch with my femininity. I have been desired and it was not a bad thing.

I also learned that men also need to be seen just as much as women.

I have also rediscovered the art of guarding one’s heart. In the process of getting to know the man who broke me, I have laid my heart on the table for him to hold. He had me on the palm of his hand. And that was a mistake I will never do again.

Once, I had dated a man for over a year who is just as wonderful but the falling out was not as hurtful because I kept reminding myself I may lose him one day when he loses interest. It saved me from pain when indeed the relationship ended.

Sadness is one of the most basic emotions that we almost always encounter and cannot escape. But the sadness caused by the person you loved is a different kind. It will get you in waves and all you can do is to swim for your life. People have different ways to cope. No one can judge you for how you manage the grief. It is what it is as the man who broke me always says. I always will feel defeated whenever he says that. This was what he said when he told me that things between us should end already. It feels like we’ve reached an impasse and I was in a checkmate. Yet I would like to say to him if ever I get the chance that the one who loves always wins.